I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
