She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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