Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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