why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
