i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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