At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
