the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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