Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
