i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
