just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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