Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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