I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
