We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
