I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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