Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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