Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
