it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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