I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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