And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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