i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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