I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Drake has all the answers
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
