he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
