do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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