the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk