we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos