i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
