3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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