Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
