dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
