i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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