My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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