Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
