one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
