That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
