thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
