i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i think i just lost a toe
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
