It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
