I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
