Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
