On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
