My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
