I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
