Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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