They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
