Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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