how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
