Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
