I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
