hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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