Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
