Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
