That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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