i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
