Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
