OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
