the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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