I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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