The maid of honor just puked.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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