$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
