do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
