What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
