In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
