Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
