god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
