You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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