Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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