I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
