I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
