You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
