theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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