If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
