While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize