Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
