yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
