So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
